Nothing much

After my last post I worked Saturday night all night. I slept four hours on Sunday and prepared a full fledged cook out for my Parents 37th wedding anniversary. The whole family was here and it was enjoyable. Friends brought four wheelers and dirt bike and my kids had their four wheelers and everyone took turns riding in my field across the street. The whole things was over by about seven and I was beat and needed sleep but instead cleaned the mess.

I skipped work that night but only because I had to work the whole next day on my trucks. After working on trucks all day I was feeling pretty tired and decided I would go into work and leave so I could get some sleep. Again I had to go to court with my nephew the next morning and then drive an hour away to get a truck plate. I ask my supervisor if I could leave telling him I was sick and he insisted I go to plant medical. (they never do that, they usually just send us home) Went to plant medical and low and behold I had a temp of 102.3. No wonder I felt so tired I was actually sick. Its pretty bad when your so run down all the time you don't know the difference if your sick or just tired. At this point I'm both sick and tired.

Today I came home from and had an argument with the BF on the phone for 2 hours and then slept from 11:30 til 1:30. Then got up cleaned my house and went to school. Got out of class, sat on couch, and here I am.

My days are terrible, I am miserable (mostly because of the BF) so that leads me to the next short paragraph on our relationship. So he hacked my email. What he found was emails that I was writing to someone i use to date or about someone I use to date to my friends. These were personal things that I was dealing with and had he not hacked me would never have effected our relationship. His jealousy was ridiculous for a while. When We would have sex he would push my legs behind my head and run his fingers through me looking for semen from someone else. He heard from a friend that there was a NBA player (who previously lived in our town who had happened to see me with friends) looking for my phone number. He drank crazily and came to my house. He broke my chandelier, broke my vacuum cleaner, scared the s*** out of me and rearranged my furniture in a fit of rage. I didn't know what to do. I love him so much. I tried to push him out of my life but everywhere I turned he was there telling me how sorry he was. Told me he talked to his dad about the way he had treated me and he would never do it again. i gave in and forgave him and continued to love him. Christmas time came and he bought me a ring and asked me to marry him. Though it scared me to death I said yes. The day after xmasI was telling my girlfriend how much i loved him and how great it all was and she just kept saying,
"you shouldn't get so exited about things" or "are you sure you want to do this" Finally I asked her what she wasn't telling me. I knew. I could tell by the way she was talking there was something I needed to know..................And what I found out broke my heart in two.