Saturday

Yesterday my friend who got hurt at work was brought home for a home visit. Was suppose to go visit but too many people were there too long so didn't get to go. Its okay he needs his rest.

Went to High School Varsity scrimage and watched son play. I am very much looking forward to what this season will bring. He is only a sophmore and playing Varsity. I just hope he doesn't get hurt. (crossing fingers) He could drive his race car every weekend and I don't worry at all but this football kind of makes me worry. He received 2 head concussions last year.

Though I try to wait this thing out with my BF deciding to move with company. It is eating away at me. I tried really hard to talk to him and he just gets ticked and argues. He wants to know why I want to argue about it. I don't I'm just trying to figure out where this is going to lead my life to. I offered to support him through school if he stayed (financialy), that was not an option. I expressed I thought we should get married or at least move in together and he doesn't want that. He says he just wants to be himself. I said that was fine but asked did he want to be himself alone or with me. His reply: I really don't know what I want rite now. This conversation was about a week ago and since then I I've tried to be silent about it and ignore it. He does show that he loves me on a daily basis but and this is a BIG BUT he still has said nothing about the future and what he wants. After 9 years I feel if he doesn't know what he wants he never will. He started talking about when he would be offered a transfer yesterday and I just told him to stop I didn't need it rubbed in my face. I still wonder " How could he just decide to leave me?" His decision was completely self-absorbed. It was good for noone but HIM.

Oh well i guess I will just wait it out a little longer but Im afraid the longer he goes without saying anything the more I'm going to lean toward ending this. (as my stomach turns). I'm tired of being alone and want a future with someone. A future TOGETHER.