Today

Today is....................the day before my sisters birthday, the one that was murdered a little over a year ago. I would like to visit her children but that isn't an option since like her they don't seem to want to give me the time of day.......Oh well, I've tried. The oldest one had a a baby. I called to check on her a few times through out her pregnancy and ask that they let me know when she had the baby. Low and behold she must be about a year pregnant now cuz I haven''t heard a thing. I would like to atleast celebrate/grieve her birthday with my father but sonce he passed shortly after her that isn't a choice either. I've been avoiding the cemetary for a few months, avoiding the fact that he isn't here I guess but maybe tomorrow on her birthday I will take her ashes and go visit him. Sounds weird............grieving is weird.

Made it through my first quarter of Nursing clinicals. The instructors are all bitches. They are very unaproachable and sometimes I just want to say "HELLO, I AM PAYING YOU FOR THIS"
Then they would just make it even harder on me though so I'll just keep my mouth shut, go to class and continue to go home and teach myself everything they are suppose to be teaching me.
Its difficult to learn some of it because it reminds me so much of my father being ill and dying but I shove it in the back of my head somewhere and pretend it doesn't exist ( though I know its there)


We're on winter break now. I'm finding myself kind of bored. Its going on a year now since I've actually worked. Not use to that still. Kind of miss my job, the place and the people. But it was just that a job. It wasn't who I was.

I spend alot of time at home, have found peace with alot in my life. Just kind of decided. "THATS LIFE" all of it comes down to those simple words. Shit happens, deal w/it and go on. Don't let it define you, drag you down, and change who you are. Along with that don't let the people around you drag you down either. Laugh and go on. Thats my outlook, either laugh at it or cry about it. Which is better? I'm tired of crying and no one caring. So I don't care either just, about me, my kids and people who appriciate it the rest of the world are on there own.

Okay I;m sounding a little pesamistic. Thats not usually me! LOL have to laugh at it though!!